The Sign of Better Days Ahead
So honestly speaking, the past two days made me feel like a pile of shit...no scratch that, make it two piles of shit. Not only did I have to stay home on a friday night, but saturday was just a mark of the day i walked out and never looked back. I had to tell my very much awaited visitor on friday night, that he couldn't come over just because. Of course I was bummed out, I mean I was anxious to see him! =(
Then Saturday came and Cielo, Arden, Nikki and Kim came over with a bottle of rhum to ease the pain and some sprite to chase along with it. I thought everything would be okay until sister walked into the room and accidentally hit the unknown bottles with her feet only to find out that we were hiding the rhum. What luck, huh? I think God finds it quite amusing to punish me like this. I mean first, I got grounded for two months, but now getting caught hiding rhum in my room? Not cool. It's not like my sister doesn't know that we drink. But the fact that she had to catch us hiding it made it worse. So i texted her to apologize and i was at the very least, apologetic for my actions because I knew I was wrong. I'm ALWAYS wrong to her. AND she hits me back with something so irrelevant to what we were arguing about in the first place. After that, I just realized I WAS DONE. I got up, went to my dad's sister's house and never looked back. I cried like a baby because my sister never made me feel so unwanted in my whole life. Not only did she make me feel unwanted, but my parents have never EVER made me feel that way EVER. I never knew the feeling until today. I just realized that it was time for me to make a change in my life and i feel so relieved. Now i'm here at my cousin's house and i honestly, have never felt any better. I'm not saying i'm completely disowning my sister and saying that what she did was wrong... but it's just that i need time to myself and time to figure out myself.
In times when i needed a sister, i got a mother. I already have a mother so why do i need two to yell at me everytime do something wrong in my life?? I just sometimes need a sister to talk to and make kwento to when I have a new crush, or about the cute guy i danced with the other night, or that time i almost bitch slapped a girl for talking shit about my girlfriends or that time i got so wasted but i had a blast. But instead, i got someone who judges me unendingly, a person i can't tell eveything to and a person i'm scared to open up to because i'm scared to get grounded AGAIN. I'm totally not questioning her and her morals or who she's trying to make me to be because that's understandable. I live with her and her rules and she's just trying to make me become a good person. But it just got to the point where it got to be too much. And i felt smothered. I hate having to hide things from my sister because i wanna be able to tell her why i'm so kilig all the time or why i'm sad. Couldn't she at least give me that? Well i'm just really babbling now but... i had to let all of this out sometime and i finally just blew up.
On the lighter side of things, I feel a lot better now that I got this out. And sister called me a while ago and she sounded uber guilty. But for now, my minds made up.
-lost and soo not in control =/
1 comment:
Hey, I wish you'd remember that you have brothers too! You know you can call us, and we can all talk to each other like family. Even though you live in ate's house, we don't. I'm sorry that's how you feel that Xacah is treating you. She's just under pressure because she probably feels like the family is relying on her to raise you and also Az right, while trying to raise her own family. I hope you understand. But I'm sorry that she is more of a mother to you than a sister, because I feel what you're going through. I wish you were here with us, we probably wouldn't be as strict. But on the other hand, I don't think you'd be in better hands anywhere else than where you are. Love you, Lay!
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